It's almost February and time to revisit all those new year's resolutions about going to the gym. How's that going? If you think "not too well...", you are not alone. Around this time gyms get quiet, after the usual January influx of new gym goers. While that makes for a nicer time at the gym, as it is easier to get the machines... it's still sad to see. Going to the gym requires motivation, especially at first before the habit is formed. And the hardest part is not even working out, most often it's getting to the gym in the first place. After that, the context of the gym and the "Well, might as well..." mentality does the job.
I am here to talk about a massively underrated tool for going to the gym. The gym crush. People talk about "accidentally" having a gym crush and how it's their motivation for getting to the gym. Sometimes for real, sometimes as a joke. But I say, let's be more intentional about it! Sure, we can just happen to form a gym crush, but what if we were to take that motivation into our own hands, and find the gym crush first? Ok, maybe not first, but within the trial period of the gym.
So, what are the qualities of a crush? They are attractive, and they give you a good vibe. What a good vibe is, is very debatable, and based on research published in the article "Is the Face a Window to the Soul? Investigation of the Accuracy of Intuitive Judgments of the Trustworthiness of Human Faces" by Stephen Porter and colleagues, we are generally pretty terrible judges of whether someone is creepy or trustworthy. As such I will discount this from consideration.
Now, you may have some personal preferences that inform what you find attractive. This could lead to excluding people, or being more drawn to specific people, fortunately as we are focusing on physical attributes these are easy to spot. I, for one, really dislike beards, fortunately, that is not that much of an issue in East Asia, where I am. We have and additional advantage: this is a gym. If you are going to the gym chances are you find at least some attributes that other gym goers have attractive, be they muscles, discipline, or general concern for one's health.
Once you’ve determined what appeals to you physically, it’s time to consider the type of gym crush that works best for your schedule and motivation. There are in my experience three types of gym crushes:
Having tried them all, I would say the staff is arguably the most effective. If you are going to the gym there is a much higher chance they will be there, even if you have missed the time you usually go to the gym due to a meeting that ran long. This way the motivation is constantly present. Bonus, some gyms tend to hire attractive staff, because it makes it easier to sell memberships, so they are doing your work for you. Additionally, you are less likely to have an actual conversation with them, that may lead to you finding out they are racist, homophobic, or talk at the theatre.
Congratulations, now you have your target. Time to focus all your delusions and fantasies on this person, and we are done. You will be itching to go to the gym, and feel disappointed on rest days.
Well, don't do anything to inconvenience this person. They are there to work out, work, or both. Their status as a gym crush should in no way affect their life. We are all adults here, and we can show restraint and respect to one another.
Oh, did you mean, for yourself? Are you perhaps thinking, "but motivation should be internal and not external"? To which I say, exactly. When has a crush ever been about the other person? Having a crush on someone is one of the most internal things in existence. The only external part is having someone to project our fantasies on. We don't know this person, at all. And because of it, it's easy to project all the things we desire onto them. We can choose to make the craziest inferences based on the very little information their presence gives us. They don't even need to do anything. Crushes are rarely about other people, otherwise we'd genuinely like them, crushes are about what we desire, and this person's goal is to fit the fantasy well enough. They are filled with possibility, because we never take the chance to look and explore the reality, and that's what's so very tempting about them. But all that fantasy, possibility and positive attributes we set on the person, are mostly about us. So, if you ask me, I would say a gym crush is intrinsic motivation. And we better keep it that way.
Seeing someone we like just tends to give us a small dopamine boost, and we can use this to form a good habit. After all why won't we chase something that makes us happy?
While it is motivating to fantasise about a conversation, or a relationship with said gym crush. After all, their status is that of a crush. There is danger in actually making this a reality. While the possibility of it going well is what keeps the fantasy alive, there is a serious likelihood that the reality just won't match. After all they are a whole human being and chances of them fitting your fantasy are slim to none. Now, you may still like the person you get to know... But... Picture this:
You've finally found a potential candidate for your gym crush. It motivates you to show up to the gym classes every week, even when you would much rather eat a tub of ice cream watching the latest Netflix hit. They seem nice, and you both get there early for the class. So, you have an actual conversation. Some small talk about what they did over the weekend, perhaps. And they make a remark about the un-pronounceability of British place names0. Trust me, nothing derails a crush faster than being told three times that while they don’t know how to pronounce Worcestershire, the way you're saying it is wrong.
But hey, your crush might work out better... Whatever keeps that motivation alive! Just remember, actually interacting with a crush is the easiest way to get over it, and for our purposes, we need the crush to stay a crush. Eventually, the habit will form, and this depends on you as a person and how long it takes you to make or break a habit. I struggle with rest days as they also tend to reset my habit. So, proceed at your own risk, and only approach the crush when you absolutely 100% would not need the motivation anymore, because chances are you will lose it.
So go ahead! Find your gym crush, hit the treadmill, and let that dopamine carry you through February and beyond. Who knows? By the time summer rolls around, your crush might not even matter anymore, your new habit will1.
0 Always a funny one, especially when you are equipped with Frome (pronounced /ˈfruːm/) and Trottiscliffe (pronounced /ˈtrɒzli/).
1 Just be aware that exercise addiction is a thing.